Overthinking again

Laying in bed, as usual. Too lazy to do anything. Everything is such a huge effort lately, my energy just plummets and I kind of shut down inside. Filled with numbness and hatred, mostly towards myself. I need to slit my thighs, just that tiny bit deeper. I've ordered scalpels but I'm very worried my mum and dad will  find out and get mad. It's my fucking money though. I need those blades so much, I just wanna get them and use them. Cutting so deep I'll need stitches and maybe even cause more damage. As long as my parents dont ask what's in the box or open the package themselves.