It's time for an update

Hi guys,

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything here and I've gotten the motivation to return and get back into blogging, mostly for myself to keep track of my thoughts & feelings.
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I've been through quite so much since I've last updated you all. I've honestly struggled quite a lot but I'm still here and kicking it. I got through it.
I'm keeping occupied with my work-life and attending my mental health appointments. Just trying to keep distracted and hope that it will reduce the dark thoughts I have on a daily basis. I find that distractions are key when you have regular suicidal thoughts as you don't have as much time to ruminate and overthink or idolise suicide/death.

Since Covid started I've lost my hobbies & interests, lost any social life I had and drifted further from anyone I previously knew prior to the lockdowns we've had. I feel that I've lost all motivation to connect with others and just keep my head down trying to focus on staying content. Although I should really get out and socialise or find an interest/hobby. It's not doing me any good just staying in the house and being a hermit but that's all the energy I have. It's much easier said than done to go and socialise with others. Once I'm finished putting up a 'front' at work I'm mentally and physically exhausted and don't have any motivation to do anything else.

I do hope that things will change for me in the future, nothing will change if I don't change. I can't keep doing this for the rest of my life, I need to fix things.

I'm trying to get back into blogging as it's hard enough to put my thoughts into words.
Take care for now.