When I'm discharged from Beechcroft, I want to improve my psychical health and do body building. I'm 16 but I'd love to start now and get more muscles and a better toned body. I have like 0 strength I'm a fucking weakling

I took 1.45g of Sertraline, now I've found out it won't even kill me, I CANT EVEN KILL MYSELF PROPERLY. I'm such a fucking failure at everything, even suicide. All the pillsare doing is making me sick. Not even gonna kill me >:(

I feel like I'm gonna vomit, my body is rejecting all those pills, I feel so so cold, my stomach hurts so bad, I'm still suicidal but I don't know what else to do. Those were the only pills I managed to get

I'm on the fence deciding whether  to take my life or just give recovery more time. Thing is that suicide is just so quicker and easier  than dealing with the pain. I'm so tempted I can't choose! I've got 4 meetings now  a week, all explaining how I feel. It's too much for me! One appointment is already draining. I don't want or need four.. Just let me die already. I'll be discharged from adolescent services at 18 and then I'll end up going to adult services. No hope for school or a job. Just a homeless bum with depression.

The emotional pain I feel everyday just doesn't stop. I'm getting so sick of it! I'm so sick of feeling tired and numb and worthless all the time! I just want to be a normal boy again. Not some miserable guy. Honestly if this is all what my life has to offer then I'm not gonna be around much longer